Every precious day

Every night, before i go to sleep, i count my blessing for a fulfilling day. I go to sleep feeling happy, contented and hopeful for the next day. There is a sense of calmness that come from nowhere. There is a sense of contentment for having a loving husband, a rewarding and fun job and generally being healthy and living life to the fullest.

Melbourne and swimming

Time really flew, its been almost one year since i last wrote something here.
So many things happened but life still had to go on. I really think sometimes what is the point in life? Do you live because you are forced to be born by your parents? Do you live for another person? Do you live for the materialistic things you go after?

I have been back in Melbourne for almost two months now and still not working yet. Maybe i am bored that's why i have time to reflect.

Melbourne is a great place. I was driving along Queens Parade last night and had the radio switched on and it was playing A Thousand Miles. I was enjoying myself despite having a rough day.

The swim prior was really good too. It was really nice to swim in a pool at night, sheltered from the 130km/h gusty wind outside where thoudsands of Victorians was battling against. The water was warm and i just swam and swam, irregardless of what was happening around me. I won't say i managed to let myself go completely but to drain off the energy i have was helpful.

I am not sure it was Melbourne or just the pressure of life. I felt that the kind of extreme emotional up and down is playing up again. Just a day ago, i was so "high" that i had problem falling asleep. And yesterday, i was so down, i had to inject some dose sof happiness by swimming.

Grass is always greener next door isn't it? When i was in Canberra i wish i could be back in Melbourne. Now that i am in Melbourne, i am thinking something is not right. I don't really wish i am back in Canberra though. Its a decision i made and i know its the right one.

I wish someone could answer my question. What's the point in life? Today is going to be another normal day and the sun has shone in. A better day hopefully.

Beautiful In My Eyes

View out of my room

I love this song to death. Written and sung by Joshua Kadison, i especially like the first few lines just with the piano. I am the unplug and single instrument kinda gal.


Everytime when i start playing it, i am transported back to those time when i was a teenagers, at home, listening to this song over the radio. Or the times in college, when i was driving my kancil when i had this song recorded and played. And if i allow myself to travel further back in time, i could probably find the love i lost through this song. Details are blurry now, but i can feel my heart all crunched together from some painful feeling.


you are my peace of mind
in this crazy world
you are everything i try to find
your love is a pearl

you are my Monalisa
you are my rainbow sky
and my only pray is that you realise
you'll always be beautiful in my eyes

the world will turn and the season will change
and all the lesson we will learn
will be beautiful and strange

we'll have our a feel of tears and share of sight
my only pray that you realise
you'll always be beautiful in my eyes.

Jesse and Picture Postcard from LA are also my favourite from Joshua Kadison.

The Image of The Architect

Lost

Its not very nice to wake up to a freezing cold ( zero degrees ) saturday morning from a nightmare, feeling so sad and not looking forward to the day or tomorrow or the day after.
The sadness is very unfamiliar to me. Its almost like losing a lover. So empty inside. Its disappointment? Its Sickness? Heartbroken? The fact is i never had one. Why do i feel so sad?
It felt so real, i was almost feeling it and then i was slamed with the reality that it wasn't real.

I have to rethink my days ahead. Accomodating all the other problems that i will be facing. I am probably denying the invisile stress coming from the dying FIL, the possible or impossible move to other places, losing of friends that i have gained and starting all over again, my DON"T KNOW WHAT"S WRONG with me health problem. All these uncertainty has pushed me to the limit. And now i have fallen for a reason which is not suppose to be there!

I really question why HE has brought me these challenges as if the current problems are not hard enough to tackle. Perhaps to test my faith and trust in HIM. I became religious. HE became my solace.

On a lighter note, my hope and prayer for Miss M came true. Yesterday was her birthday. I told her that this year is going to be a good year. Deep inside, i sincerely hope that she will be blessed with another baby after losing one two years back. She replied that she too think this year is going to be a good year, giving me a huge smile of contentment and gratefulness. Today, i learnt the news that she is 13 weeks pregnant. Oh, i was so happy that i shed a tear.

Time will always heal. She said she had to give respect to those who has passed on. I admire her strength. I know tomorrow will always be a better day. Time too, will reveal the course that has been laid down for me and us.

Decipher My Dreams

I had two nightmares last night.

First one was pretty easy to decipher.
I dreamt that my period finally came.
Easy. It just means that i have been worrying too much about it.

The second one is the hard one.
I dreamt that i was back in KL, went somewhere with my mom and Malcolm. Mom said we should take the LRT home. Well, it could be the other one that only goes around the city centre, can't remember what it is called. And so this train, took a particular road along a highway. I have no idea which one and can't tell from the details i "saw" in my dream either. I could only remember there were some old atap shop lots along side it. Well, it probably doesn't exist either, you know how sometimes, you can have a dream about something that doesn't exist.

So, the most unbearable thing about this dream was that there were four MAJOR accidents happened on this highway. And when i say major, i really mean it. The first accident is probably the worse as it involved most vehicles and people. Could not see how many people injured or died because i only picked up the fact that there were piling vehicles, one on top of the other. One car hits the car in front and the domino effect continued on for the longest chain of accidents i have ever seen.

The second one was on the same side of the road as the first one which is less than 5 minutes train ride away. This accident strangely involved many black coloured Mercedes. They all have tinted windows and a "government offical " tag in front of their cars, meaning they are all VIPs.
I remembered vividly this Amat stumbling out of a car, almost fainting, while a police man asked him if he is alright. And as the train sped past, i saw a few corpses lying on the ground with cloth covering them. I was thinking about tomorrow's news with the headline, multiple car accidents on highway, ministers killed.

I can't remember much of the third and the fourth accident. The third one was on the opposite side of the first two not long after the second accident while the fourth one is the same side as the first two after the third accident on a mud filled section of the highway.

I think i was too shocked with all the accidents that happened to jolt down the details of the last two. And the rest of the dream was about how everyone paniced about how to go home and what will happen as if its the end of the world.

So, you have any idea what it is all about.

what's going on inside my body?

I really wish i have this magic eye that could pierce through my skin and see what's happening inside my body. Not only that, i also wish to know what causes certain things to happen. Perhaps, if i have this ability, i could, in the future, detect the unwelcome sickness that could possibly happen to me.

My body has been extremely strange lately. Not that it wasn't before. Maybe i have been having too much time to feel and i am too relax hence i get to "sense" what my body is trying to tell me more obviously. Well, its also because i was stressing too much few weeks back that my "self" just collapse and refuse to function, so i decided to rest a little more and relax a bit more.

So, this month, suddenly the factory decided to shut down after 5 straight months of production. Gave me almost 30 days of pimple free days and then whoa la, it decided to give me hell and provides me with almost a week of extreme hormone changes. my chests are swollen, my stomach felt bloated and heavy and a little achy and even a tad of feeling i want to go to toilet all the time. My head also aches and spins. Lastly, gastric non stop. Give me a break, will you?

I sincerely hope that after one week of PMS, ( one week of tantrum throwing by the factory), production would resume and i could lead a normal woman life.

How to be an Architect - Part 1

I can't remember where i heard this from, but some reknown architect said :" Passion is what you need to go far."

Hai... i think i only have 10% of what is needed to go far.

and then, there's a special report on CNN on some of the world's famous architect. The host said :" Architects, they are dry on the outside but on the inside, they express themselves in the brick and mortar of our living room."

Emm... i guess that explains why i am boring on the outside...but i am still not sure if i express myself well with brick and mortar on the inside.

We shall see.

Meanwhile, lets ponder over this as a bar in Chinatown, Melbourne.