Its not because i am different, its because i am special.

The moment when a human cry because of architecture is the time when u know the architect has succeeded. That's how i feel after watching " My Architect" - the documentary about Louis I Khan, ( known as Lou in this film )

" Very sad" is the emotion that Malcolm has for both Lou and his son. He also thinks Lou's buildings are very solemn and melancholic.

I wonder how he managed to keep three " wives " ( live four lives ) and has three kids, without the wives knowing each other's existence until he passed away. It also puzzles me why he kept his private lifes so secretive. Did he know that it was very disrespectful of women? I think that's the way he keeps himself sane; by having many women in his life while keeping himself ever so inspired in architecture. Wait... could it be the other way around?? arrghhhh....

In another perspecitive, this film also reminds me of the relationship i had with my dad. I never really knew my dad. He passed away when i was as young as Nathaniel Khan when Lou passed away. Well, my dad is no architect but i think he is as close to one as can be. Over the years, i have learnt quite a bit of him from the stories i heard from relatives and friends of him. I know i am living his shadow eventhough he has been gone for 16 years now.

One of the few most vivid memory i had with my dad was him teaching me the dos and don'ts about being a human. He emphasized a lot on being morally right and respectful of others. Other memories of him was sadly about him suffering through the last few months of his life. Funny enough, I think i am learning more about him now as i draw and draw on paper, sketching and finding the solution to a construction and architecture problem. ( He used to sketched on a piece of napkin in a restaurant whenever he can )

I think the best thing about watching this film to me is i finally understood something very important about myself, One of the reason why this blog is kept " alive".

I have finally understood my existence.

It answered my questions about why i am so different, why i can' be like the people at work, why i tried so hard yet i can't be what the society needs or wants me to be?

The asnwer lies in this simple equation : Its not because i am different, its because i am special.

I just need to keep working hard on what i love to do... be it architecture or not.