Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Lost
Its not very nice to wake up to a freezing cold ( zero degrees ) saturday morning from a nightmare, feeling so sad and not looking forward to the day or tomorrow or the day after.
The sadness is very unfamiliar to me. Its almost like losing a lover. So empty inside. Its disappointment? Its Sickness? Heartbroken? The fact is i never had one. Why do i feel so sad?
It felt so real, i was almost feeling it and then i was slamed with the reality that it wasn't real.
I have to rethink my days ahead. Accomodating all the other problems that i will be facing. I am probably denying the invisile stress coming from the dying FIL, the possible or impossible move to other places, losing of friends that i have gained and starting all over again, my DON"T KNOW WHAT"S WRONG with me health problem. All these uncertainty has pushed me to the limit. And now i have fallen for a reason which is not suppose to be there!
I really question why HE has brought me these challenges as if the current problems are not hard enough to tackle. Perhaps to test my faith and trust in HIM. I became religious. HE became my solace.
On a lighter note, my hope and prayer for Miss M came true. Yesterday was her birthday. I told her that this year is going to be a good year. Deep inside, i sincerely hope that she will be blessed with another baby after losing one two years back. She replied that she too think this year is going to be a good year, giving me a huge smile of contentment and gratefulness. Today, i learnt the news that she is 13 weeks pregnant. Oh, i was so happy that i shed a tear.
Time will always heal. She said she had to give respect to those who has passed on. I admire her strength. I know tomorrow will always be a better day. Time too, will reveal the course that has been laid down for me and us.
The sadness is very unfamiliar to me. Its almost like losing a lover. So empty inside. Its disappointment? Its Sickness? Heartbroken? The fact is i never had one. Why do i feel so sad?
It felt so real, i was almost feeling it and then i was slamed with the reality that it wasn't real.
I have to rethink my days ahead. Accomodating all the other problems that i will be facing. I am probably denying the invisile stress coming from the dying FIL, the possible or impossible move to other places, losing of friends that i have gained and starting all over again, my DON"T KNOW WHAT"S WRONG with me health problem. All these uncertainty has pushed me to the limit. And now i have fallen for a reason which is not suppose to be there!
I really question why HE has brought me these challenges as if the current problems are not hard enough to tackle. Perhaps to test my faith and trust in HIM. I became religious. HE became my solace.
On a lighter note, my hope and prayer for Miss M came true. Yesterday was her birthday. I told her that this year is going to be a good year. Deep inside, i sincerely hope that she will be blessed with another baby after losing one two years back. She replied that she too think this year is going to be a good year, giving me a huge smile of contentment and gratefulness. Today, i learnt the news that she is 13 weeks pregnant. Oh, i was so happy that i shed a tear.
Time will always heal. She said she had to give respect to those who has passed on. I admire her strength. I know tomorrow will always be a better day. Time too, will reveal the course that has been laid down for me and us.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Decipher My Dreams
I had two nightmares last night.
First one was pretty easy to decipher.
I dreamt that my period finally came.
Easy. It just means that i have been worrying too much about it.
The second one is the hard one.
I dreamt that i was back in KL, went somewhere with my mom and Malcolm. Mom said we should take the LRT home. Well, it could be the other one that only goes around the city centre, can't remember what it is called. And so this train, took a particular road along a highway. I have no idea which one and can't tell from the details i "saw" in my dream either. I could only remember there were some old atap shop lots along side it. Well, it probably doesn't exist either, you know how sometimes, you can have a dream about something that doesn't exist.
So, the most unbearable thing about this dream was that there were four MAJOR accidents happened on this highway. And when i say major, i really mean it. The first accident is probably the worse as it involved most vehicles and people. Could not see how many people injured or died because i only picked up the fact that there were piling vehicles, one on top of the other. One car hits the car in front and the domino effect continued on for the longest chain of accidents i have ever seen.
The second one was on the same side of the road as the first one which is less than 5 minutes train ride away. This accident strangely involved many black coloured Mercedes. They all have tinted windows and a "government offical " tag in front of their cars, meaning they are all VIPs.
I remembered vividly this Amat stumbling out of a car, almost fainting, while a police man asked him if he is alright. And as the train sped past, i saw a few corpses lying on the ground with cloth covering them. I was thinking about tomorrow's news with the headline, multiple car accidents on highway, ministers killed.
I can't remember much of the third and the fourth accident. The third one was on the opposite side of the first two not long after the second accident while the fourth one is the same side as the first two after the third accident on a mud filled section of the highway.
I think i was too shocked with all the accidents that happened to jolt down the details of the last two. And the rest of the dream was about how everyone paniced about how to go home and what will happen as if its the end of the world.
So, you have any idea what it is all about.
First one was pretty easy to decipher.
I dreamt that my period finally came.
Easy. It just means that i have been worrying too much about it.
The second one is the hard one.
I dreamt that i was back in KL, went somewhere with my mom and Malcolm. Mom said we should take the LRT home. Well, it could be the other one that only goes around the city centre, can't remember what it is called. And so this train, took a particular road along a highway. I have no idea which one and can't tell from the details i "saw" in my dream either. I could only remember there were some old atap shop lots along side it. Well, it probably doesn't exist either, you know how sometimes, you can have a dream about something that doesn't exist.
So, the most unbearable thing about this dream was that there were four MAJOR accidents happened on this highway. And when i say major, i really mean it. The first accident is probably the worse as it involved most vehicles and people. Could not see how many people injured or died because i only picked up the fact that there were piling vehicles, one on top of the other. One car hits the car in front and the domino effect continued on for the longest chain of accidents i have ever seen.
The second one was on the same side of the road as the first one which is less than 5 minutes train ride away. This accident strangely involved many black coloured Mercedes. They all have tinted windows and a "government offical " tag in front of their cars, meaning they are all VIPs.
I remembered vividly this Amat stumbling out of a car, almost fainting, while a police man asked him if he is alright. And as the train sped past, i saw a few corpses lying on the ground with cloth covering them. I was thinking about tomorrow's news with the headline, multiple car accidents on highway, ministers killed.
I can't remember much of the third and the fourth accident. The third one was on the opposite side of the first two not long after the second accident while the fourth one is the same side as the first two after the third accident on a mud filled section of the highway.
I think i was too shocked with all the accidents that happened to jolt down the details of the last two. And the rest of the dream was about how everyone paniced about how to go home and what will happen as if its the end of the world.
So, you have any idea what it is all about.
what's going on inside my body?
I really wish i have this magic eye that could pierce through my skin and see what's happening inside my body. Not only that, i also wish to know what causes certain things to happen. Perhaps, if i have this ability, i could, in the future, detect the unwelcome sickness that could possibly happen to me.
My body has been extremely strange lately. Not that it wasn't before. Maybe i have been having too much time to feel and i am too relax hence i get to "sense" what my body is trying to tell me more obviously. Well, its also because i was stressing too much few weeks back that my "self" just collapse and refuse to function, so i decided to rest a little more and relax a bit more.
So, this month, suddenly the factory decided to shut down after 5 straight months of production. Gave me almost 30 days of pimple free days and then whoa la, it decided to give me hell and provides me with almost a week of extreme hormone changes. my chests are swollen, my stomach felt bloated and heavy and a little achy and even a tad of feeling i want to go to toilet all the time. My head also aches and spins. Lastly, gastric non stop. Give me a break, will you?
I sincerely hope that after one week of PMS, ( one week of tantrum throwing by the factory), production would resume and i could lead a normal woman life.
My body has been extremely strange lately. Not that it wasn't before. Maybe i have been having too much time to feel and i am too relax hence i get to "sense" what my body is trying to tell me more obviously. Well, its also because i was stressing too much few weeks back that my "self" just collapse and refuse to function, so i decided to rest a little more and relax a bit more.
So, this month, suddenly the factory decided to shut down after 5 straight months of production. Gave me almost 30 days of pimple free days and then whoa la, it decided to give me hell and provides me with almost a week of extreme hormone changes. my chests are swollen, my stomach felt bloated and heavy and a little achy and even a tad of feeling i want to go to toilet all the time. My head also aches and spins. Lastly, gastric non stop. Give me a break, will you?
I sincerely hope that after one week of PMS, ( one week of tantrum throwing by the factory), production would resume and i could lead a normal woman life.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
How to be an Architect - Part 1
I can't remember where i heard this from, but some reknown architect said :" Passion is what you need to go far."
Hai... i think i only have 10% of what is needed to go far.
and then, there's a special report on CNN on some of the world's famous architect. The host said :" Architects, they are dry on the outside but on the inside, they express themselves in the brick and mortar of our living room."
Emm... i guess that explains why i am boring on the outside...but i am still not sure if i express myself well with brick and mortar on the inside.
We shall see.
Hai... i think i only have 10% of what is needed to go far.
and then, there's a special report on CNN on some of the world's famous architect. The host said :" Architects, they are dry on the outside but on the inside, they express themselves in the brick and mortar of our living room."
Emm... i guess that explains why i am boring on the outside...but i am still not sure if i express myself well with brick and mortar on the inside.
We shall see.
Meanwhile, lets ponder over this as a bar in Chinatown, Melbourne.
Friday, May 04, 2007
My Office
Recently, City News had another coverage of our office in Kingston and took this photo.
The guy in purple is Alastair, my boss. I had my arms folded wearing the DJAS green t-shirt.
Carpark Part 3
I went for a walk around site today with Alastair. He seem to like the panel details especially the handrail. He was also exclaiming about the effect of the sunlight has on the panels that at different times of the day, he sees different colours of the panels.
When we were up on level 1, a Qantas Link plane was taxing to take off, exactly the image that i want to have of this place, with the perforated panels in the foreground.
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