Lost

Its not very nice to wake up to a freezing cold ( zero degrees ) saturday morning from a nightmare, feeling so sad and not looking forward to the day or tomorrow or the day after.
The sadness is very unfamiliar to me. Its almost like losing a lover. So empty inside. Its disappointment? Its Sickness? Heartbroken? The fact is i never had one. Why do i feel so sad?
It felt so real, i was almost feeling it and then i was slamed with the reality that it wasn't real.

I have to rethink my days ahead. Accomodating all the other problems that i will be facing. I am probably denying the invisile stress coming from the dying FIL, the possible or impossible move to other places, losing of friends that i have gained and starting all over again, my DON"T KNOW WHAT"S WRONG with me health problem. All these uncertainty has pushed me to the limit. And now i have fallen for a reason which is not suppose to be there!

I really question why HE has brought me these challenges as if the current problems are not hard enough to tackle. Perhaps to test my faith and trust in HIM. I became religious. HE became my solace.

On a lighter note, my hope and prayer for Miss M came true. Yesterday was her birthday. I told her that this year is going to be a good year. Deep inside, i sincerely hope that she will be blessed with another baby after losing one two years back. She replied that she too think this year is going to be a good year, giving me a huge smile of contentment and gratefulness. Today, i learnt the news that she is 13 weeks pregnant. Oh, i was so happy that i shed a tear.

Time will always heal. She said she had to give respect to those who has passed on. I admire her strength. I know tomorrow will always be a better day. Time too, will reveal the course that has been laid down for me and us.